How to Overcome Your Fear of Flying – Like I Did

For as long as I can remember, I have loved traveling and seeing new places. But seeing the world means getting on a plane, A LOT. That’s not so easy when you have a fear of flying or flight anxiety.

The funny thing is that this phobia (technically called aviophobia) did not strike me until I was an adult. When I was young, I flew all the time without any issues. But in my mid-twenties, and then again when I turned 40,  I developed a pretty severe fear of flying.

The phobia was debilitating. While it did not stop me from traveling, (It’s hard to do that when your job pretty much requires you to fly around the world), I developed flight anxiety that would start weeks before an upcoming trip, and I would have panic attacks on the plane. In a word, it sucked.

The good news is that both times I was able to conquer my fear. Now 9 years later, flying is a positive and calm experience for me. But I still remember how much flight anxiety I felt every time I booked a trip, which is why I’m writing this post. If you feel or have felt the same way, I want to help you conquer your fear of flying and flight anxiety as well.

In this post, I’m going to share the tips and tricks that helped me overcome the anxiety leading up to my trips, as well as the heart-pounding, nail-biting experiences I had on my flights.

And of course, I have to add a disclaimer here that I am not a medical doctor or a therapist. I am just sharing my anecdotal experience with you, in the hopes that what helped me overcome my fear of flying might also help you.

How a Fear of Flying Started For Me

I distinctly remember the first time I developed a fear of flying. I was in my mid-twenties and I was traveling down to Florida for the weekend with my then-boyfriend and his family. It was a stormy day in New York City, and our 8 am flight was delayed until 7 pm that evening. Grateful to finally be getting on the plane, none of us thought much about the weather.

But on that flight, I experienced some of the worst turbulence I have ever flown in. Granted, it wasn’t as bad as what some of my other friends have experienced, with oxygen masks popping out from the ceiling, but it was bad enough that the flight crew had to sit in their seats for most of the flight. And it was the first time I experienced true panic on a plane.

My heart was pounding a million beats per minute, I was cold and sweaty at the same time, and I couldn’t slow down my breathing. What I didn’t know then, is that my body was in fight or flight mode, and my body had chosen flight, (No pun intended). I desperately wanted to escape that aircraft.

Thankfully, we landed safely, and then I didn’t think much about the experience until the flight back. For the most part, it was a smooth trip, but every time the plane so much as bobbled, or flew through a tiny bout of turbulence, my heart pounded like it was trapped in my chest. I realized that overnight, I had become a white-knuckle flyer.

Over the next few months, my flight anxiety only got worse. At the time, I worked as a producer for CNN, and I was constantly traveling. I started to dread every time I had to get on a flight. What was I going to do? Travel was a big part of my job. And aside from flying, travel was still the thing that excited me the most. How was I going to overcome this phobia?

Skipping ahead, the second time I developed a fear of flying, there wasn’t a single identifying incident that triggered it. Instead, it was a slow burn of my anxiety creeping up on me. Perhaps it’s because I now felt I had more to lose. I was dating a man I loved, and we were engaged to be married. The more I had to lose, the more my anxiety and fear took over.

During this second bout of flight anxiety, my fear of flying became so overwhelming I remember it overshadowed our entire honeymoon. We traveled to Argentina and Uruguay. While the trip itself was incredible (and bucket-list worthy I might add!), it also entailed a lot of flying to get from place to place. Not only did we have the long haul flights from NYC to Buenos Aires and back, but we also had multiple flights during our trip.

Related: Why you should plan that bucket list trip now

Every time we had an upcoming flight, I would start to get nervous the day before. And on the last day of our honeymoon, when we spent the day wandering around the Palermo district of BA, I remember the entire day was overshadowed by my dread about having to get on a plane that night to fly home. I didn’t want to live like this. Something had to change.

That’s when I took all of the tips and knowledge I learned the first time I had this phobia and applied it again. But I also added some new things to my toolkit the second time and I think it’s the combination of everything that ultimately helped me overcome my fear of flying.

I’ve broken down everything I learned and did in the list below. By no means is this the recipe to fix everyone’s fear of flying. All I know is that it has worked for me. But I’m sharing all of these things because there might be something in this list that you haven’t tried yet or a combination of things that could make a difference for you. So please read the following with that in mind.

5 Things That Helped Me Overcome My Fear of Flying

1. Learn More About Flying From the People Who Know the Most – Pilots & the Flight Crew

When I first developed my fear of flying, I turned to books. I have always been a voracious reader and I thought that knowledge might help me. And it did. There’s a great book that I highly recommend to anyone with a fear of flying reads. It’s called Soar, the Breakthrough treatment for fear of flying. It’s written by Captain Tom Bunn, a pilot, and a therapist. His books were very helpful to me because they helped me understand all of the normal protocols for a flight, including common noises and dings that you might hear. I highly recommend starting here.

2. Try a Fear of Flying Workshop

When I was at CNN as a young producer, trying to overcome this phobia, there was also an on-air correspondent who was dealing with the same issue. We put our heads together and pitched a story around this. What was serendipitous is that this story led us to a fear of flying workshop that was being held at LaGuardia, one of the 3 main airports that service NYC. I highly recommend researching to see if a local workshop exists near where you live. This program really helped us because we had the opportunity to ask pilots and flight attendants questions and we also did a simulated flight where we got to sit on a plane and the pilots described everything that goes on during a flight. Some workshops will even allow attendees to experience a short flight to help acclimate them to the experience of flying.

3. Join a Support Group

These days you can find a support group for pretty much anything, and that includes fear of flying and flight anxiety. You can either find one that meets in person or online.

The benefit of joining a support group is that you realize you aren’t alone. Other people also have your phobia. This can be helpful because it forces us to take the pressure (and additional stress) off ourselves that something is wrong with us. Nothing is wrong with you! You’re just trying to manage a phobia that between 33%  and 40% of all people have experienced at some point.

Joining a group can also expose you to new perspectives. And hearing other people’s stories might shed insight into your own phobia and help you get to the root cause of it. The correspondent and I joined a support group when we were at CNN and we found it very helpful.

4. Medication

Ok, this is a tricky one. I’m not recommending that you take any medication to help with a fear of flying, but I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about how it helped me on my journey with aviophobia.

Since my symptoms on flights were getting pretty bad, my doctor suggested that medication might help me. After some trial and error, my doctor and I landed on Klonopin. generically known as clonazepam. This drug is a benzodiazepine and it works by calming your brain and nerves. The first few times I took it on a flight, I basically fell asleep. But you know what else? I did not feel any of the anxious emotions or terrifying symptoms that I had been experiencing on every flight. It all just went away.

I was elated that something could help me get through a flight without having a panic attack. But here is where things got even better for me. After using Klonopin a few times for my flights, I started to get this calm feeling even before I boarded my flight. It was almost Pavlovian like my body was saying, oh, you’re getting on an airplane? That means it’s time to chill out.

Taking this drug, in combination with all of the other things I have done to help overcome this phobia has made a world of difference for me. I no longer fear flying. Instead, I look forward to it. And even better, I no longer need this medication to get on a flight. The only time I use it is for a long haul or overnight flight, when I know I want to get some sleep.

5. Try the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique

Last but certainly not least, I have incorporated the 4-7-8 breathing method developed by Dr. Andrew Weil into my flight routine. This technique is very useful because it helps regulate the flight-or-fight response one can feel when panicked or stressed. (This technique can be used in any situation where you are feeling stress or anxiety.)

Occasionally, when there is bad turbulence on a flight, I will start to feel the fight-or-flight sensations that were once debilitating. My heart starts beating faster, and I can feel my muscles tightening. When this happens, I close my eyes and do the 4-7-8 breathing technique that has been scientifically proven to calm down the nervous system.

It’s as easy as it sounds.

Step #1 – rest the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Breathe in through your nose to the count of 4.

Step #2 – Hold your breath for 7 seconds.

Step #3 – Slowly release your breath for 8 seconds through your mouth.

Do this for at least 4 cycles if not more. This breathing exercise engages the parasympathetic nervous system which calms down and relaxes your body. It takes you out of fight-or-flight mode and forces your brain to focus on the mechanics of the breathing exercise, which stops its constant circular thoughts and worries.

If you want to learn more about breathing exercises as well as other practices that help with anxiety, I highly recommend reading one of John Kabat Zinn’s many books, including Wherever You Go, There You Are, and Mindfulness for Beginners.

Are you Ready to Tackle Your Fear of Flying?

If you have a fear of flying, I truly hope that this post has brought you some comfort. I hope you feel better knowing that you’re not alone. Aviophobia impacts many people but the good news is that it’s curable.

I’m living proof of that!

While these are the techniques and practices that have worked for me, there are also others that might work better for you. These include working one-on-one with a therapist, hypnosis, or group therapy. The point is that there are many ways you can work on overcoming your fear of flying.

And the best part of all? On the other side, the whole world awaits you, one flight at a time!

Now I’d love to hear from you. Please let me know if you found this post helpful. If you’ve also overcome a fear of flying, how did you do it? Let’s start a conversation and share our wealth of knowledge with those who need it.

And as always, thanks for reading!