I’m a Middle-Aged Woman. Now What?

I am sure I’m not the first person in humanity to divulge that at 47-years-old, I am having trouble admitting that I am a middle-aged woman.

Why?

Well, there are obvious reasons.

As a middle-aged woman, I feel precariously closer to the downhill side of life, and, let’s not beat around the bush here, also death.

Then, there’s the notion that I’m having a mid-life crisis,  (Yes, women have them too!) and just don’t want to accept that I’m in my mid-forties.

But on a more personal note, the main reason I feel such a disconnect to the idea of being a middle-aged woman is that I just don’t feel like I am, physically, mentally, or emotionally.

And so to hear myself described that way is just weird and alienating.

Why am I having such a hard time with this? If you are in your forties, is this something you grapple with as well?

We Are All on Different Timelines

I’m sure part of the reason I feel like I’m in my thirties (or gasp, late twenties) is because my husband and I don’t have children. I know that children provide a clear marker of time passing, and of a new generation supplanting the old.

Without the daily schedule of taking care of children, or experiencing the many milestones that children go through, my life feels like it’s been one long stretch of ‘adulthood’.

There’s been a blurring of the decades that has at times left me feeling untethered, bobbing in an endless ocean, while others have graduated to the next stage of life.

I know that everyone is on a different timeline. But sometimes, it’s hard to carve out your own path and feel like you are ‘growing up’ and making progress when so many people around you are living a different lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my life.

But I think the best way to explain why I don’t feel like a middle-aged woman is impostor syndrome.

According to my age, I should, to put it bluntly, have my shit together. And I try to project the image that I do. But so often, it feels like a lie and that in reality, my life is a bit of a mess.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Or do you – whether you’re single, married, or a parent – feel the same way as well?

How Do We Change the Narrative of Middle-Age?

I’m not going to pretend I have all of the answers to these questions. But I do think this past year has taught me some lessons which have helped ground me on my 47^th birthday.

Related: Life Lessons On My 46th Birthday

I think that as we get older, and especially when we hit middle-age, we put so much pressure on ourselves. Our expectations – and society’s for that matter – are that we should have it all figured out.

We should be an engaged and loving parent. We should be killing it in our careers. We should be juggling all of the household chores with grace and ease. On top of all of that, we should have the time and capacity for a jam-packed social calendar.

But what if we changed our preconceived notions about hitting middle-age and shifted our beliefs to more accurately represent what we are feeling?

So, instead of calling it a mid-life crisis, we consider our mid-forties, or middle-age, as a time of rebirth?

What if this part of our life is a chance to reflect on everything we’ve done and then reset for everything we want in the future?

What if this is the time when we can shed all of our beliefs about who we are supposed to be, so we can head into this next chapter of life feeling lighter, and freer?

I think it’s possible.

I think it starts with appreciating the present moment and spending some time there, rather than agonizing over choices we made in the past or might make in the future.

It’s not about giving up on all of our future plans. It’s about letting go of dreams and expectations that no longer serve us. Then we can hone in on the goals that really do matter.

Even If You’ve Hit Middle-Age, It’s Just a Number

So for this birthday, I will embrace the fact that I’m 47 and I’m a middle-aged woman.

I’m ok with this because I’ve changed the narrative.

In my book, middle-age does not mean old. And it certainly doesn’t mean the best years of my life are behind me – personally or career-wise.

I know that my age is not a yardstick for measuring how much potential or passion I have. I can make this next chapter of my life my best one yet.

And the same goes for you. I know you still have so much more living to do, so much passion, potential, and creativity inside you. And I bet that deep down, you feel this too.

So let’s stop beating ourselves up for any regrets we might have and let’s stop worrying about our age.

Let that shit go, and remember that age is just a number.