Goodbye 2019! Some End of Year Thoughts

Goodbye, 2019!

We made it to the end of the year.

Am I the only one who felt like the year was never going to end? Or did you feel it too? 2019 was a doozy, that’s for sure.

In many ways, I’m ready to say good riddance to this year, out with the old and all of that. But despite all of the shit that went down, I’m also grateful for this year, because it was a great teacher to me. So I wanted to share some end of year thoughts with you.

What’s On My Mind

2019 included some of my biggest highs and lowest of lows. It was a year of unexpected exploration and adventure (I’m currently on a plane on route to my 9^th new country this year,) and it was a year of grieving and finally accepting that certain things I wanted in my life are not meant to be, at least how I imagined it.

And most humbling was navigating the turmoil and uncertainty that is the new normal for my husband and me. (If you’re new here, read my post about why my husband and I have moved to Chennai, India this past year to get up to speed on our story.)

More often than not, my husband and I feel like the floor has dropped out from under us. We are split between two cities, two worlds and two different lives, not being able to truly call either place home. We miss our life in Brooklyn, our friends and family, and our animals. Oh, how we miss them. But we’ve also found comforts in our ‘new’ home, in Chennai.

So what are some of the things I’ve learned as we’ve navigated this chaotic year?

I am not nearly as strong or patient as I thought I was. At times, my anxiety got the best of me. Other times, my behavior was pretty abhorrent. I’m not proud of myself. But deep down, I know it was because I was scared. When the security and stability of your life are taken away from you, it’s a reckoning that is hard to come to terms with. And so I tried my best, sometimes rising up to the challenge, other times not so much.

This year also taught me that it’s ok to shed old perceptions of myself, of who I thought I was or wanted to be. I know now that if something isn’t working or doesn’t feel right, I don’t have to force myself to keep trying. I can let go of things – even big dreams – if they no longer serve me.

This lesson has been a huge epiphany for me. It has given me the freedom to connect with my feelings on a deeper level. And it has allowed other dreams to come to the surface, thoughts I’ve harbored in my heart for years, and am now finally acknowledging.

Goodbye, 2019. What’s Next?

Even though we’re saying goodbye to 2019 and we are about to enter a new year and decade, my husband and I still aren’t out of the woods. Circumstances out of our control are still dictating the course of our life. It’s frustrating, but at least we are now used to this. It’s our new normal.

In the past, we always loved setting new year’s resolutions. But with so much up in the air right now, we’re having a hard time setting a course in a particular direction. We don’t have a clear map of the future. Sometimes it feels like we have a million options. Other times, we feel completely stuck.

But this uncertainty is also giving us permission to imagine a future we never thought possible. To consider new options and paths. To dream new dreams.  And that is exciting.

New Horizons

I mentioned earlier in this post that I’m on a plane. My husband and I are on our way to Bali. (Yes, one of the many places on my never-ending travel bucket list.) My husband mostly grew up in Indonesia, so this is a bit of a homecoming for him.

While we’re excited to do some sightseeing and have some beach time, we also made sure to book a few nights at a place in a very remote part of the island, where the main distraction is nature, in all her glory.

We are looking forward to time away from everything and everyone, so we have the space that we need to cultivate some of these dreams that have been percolating for both of us.

We won’t be listing out new year’s resolutions this year. But we’ll be focusing on some ideas we have, wondering if we can spin yarn into gold and create an entirely new future for ourselves that even a year ago, we never would have thought was possible.

So, yeah, we’re ready to say goodbye to 2019 and move forward.

How Are You Feeling About the New Year?

How are you feeling about the end of 2019?

Are you glad it’s over?

What were the big wins for you? And what were the failures? (Because those are worth acknowledging too.)

As this year comes to a close, If you’re feeling a bit lost the way we are, I have one piece of advice. Try to get still and silent, and listen to your heart, for those feelings that might only sound like a whisper.

You might be surprised by what you hear. Whatever it is, take note and don’t push the feelings down. Because your heart might be telling you exactly what you need to know to move forward.

And with that, I wish you all the best. Happy holidays!