This past week has been an emotional roller coaster. Even though I had time to prepare for the upheaval of my life this year, it still hit me like a hurricane. My husband is leaving home for the year, and I will be joining him for part of that time.

I’ve always dreamed of living abroad, but the emotions I am feeling right now as we embark on this move are so much more intense than I ever imagined. I know this heightened emotional state will pass, but I wanted to share a few realizations I’ve learned as we go through the process of moving overseas and embark on our biggest adventure yet.

My True Home

When my husband left a few days ago for India, I brought him to the airport.

I thought that when the day of his departure came, I’d be brave. But to be honest, I was a complete mess.

Yes, I know when I arrive in India in a few days to spend a couple of months with him, we will have the likes of a grand adventure in India. We will experience a new culture (although my husband is Indian, he grew up in Indonesia), and a different way of life. We will also behold beauty like no other when we take in the sights like the Taj Mahal, the many pink palaces in Jaipur, the turquoise waters of the Maldives and the mangroves in Kerala.

So why am I feeling so bittersweet, distraught and sad?

Because now more than ever, I realize that home for me is wherever my husband is. When I watched him walk through the security checkpoint at the airport, away from me and the life we built together in Brooklyn, my heart ached.

The Human Experience

I feel very fragile right now.

I know that change is extremely hard, but it’s good for us. It’s what I preach all the time on this blog, so I know that the pain I’m feeling will pass. I’ll look back at this moment, and like a childhood scar that brings back memories of learning how to ride a bike, I’ll think to myself, yes, that’s when you learned to say goodbye to the thing you love the most and still carry on with life, as if nothing has changed, even though, right now, everything has.

It’s hard to reign in your emotions when your life has been turned upside down. But that’s what we do. We put on a brave face, and soldier on. The resilience we are capable of never ceases to amaze me. It’s something I’m grateful for, despite the pain I’m feeling.

And Now My Journey Begins

As I finish this post, I’m 41,000 feet in the air, somewhere over Turkey. My journey has also begun. I will be spending a couple of months with my husband in India before I return to Brooklyn, and ease back into our NY life, alone.

Related: How I spent my day-long layover in Doha, Qatar

I have no idea what’s in store for us this year.

Last year, many of our hopes and dreams were shattered when my husband and my three sisters-in-law lost their beloved mother.

So this year, I’m taking a different approach. I still have dreams and goals I want to achieve, but I’ve pulled way back on the planning part. Not that planning isn’t good, but for me, a full-on type-A personality, I think it’s time to take a break from micromanaging my life. I’m ready to let go, be there for my husband as he navigates this challenging time, and discover what the universe has planned for us.

I am so scared but also relieved to let go of the pressure and the burden of trying to figure everything out. For once, I don’t want to control everything. I want to experience life as it unfolds and revel in our day to day existence in this foreign land.

So at this point, I don’t know much. But one thing’s for sure….

2019 is going to be full of surprises.

Related: Want to learn more about my new home abroad? Click here. And this is how to handle change.